To my son,

Ethan, for the last five days you have been exhibiting a strange new behavior that, quite frankly, makes me nervous. You have been blinking every few seconds, as if there was something in your eyes that is irritating them. At first we thought it was just your hair getting in your eyes, but we cut your bangs and you're still exhibiting the same uncontrollable blinking. Now, this could be any number of things: perhaps you scratched your retina when playing in the sand, maybe you have allergies, or maybe you have one of those developmental tics that kids sometimes get for a brief time and then grow out of just as quickly with no side effects in the future. Whether it's that or something else causing your blinking, I have to confess that it's revealed a parental posture that I need to repent of.


I have already begun to pride myself in you, to live vicariously through your success, and to expect you to be smarter, stronger and more skilled than other kids your age. And while you may be some of these things, I have to confess that I've needed you to be so for all the wrong reasons. I needed it for me, to feel superior as a parent, to build myself up and I confess that I have only placed pressure on you to live up to my expectations. Now, you're only two and a half and I doubt you can recognize daddy's expectations on you, but if this parental posture is left unchecked, I can see it growing even more unhealthy and placing even more pressure on you to perform for me, for your mom, for your friends, and for the world, and that's a hamster wheel that I don't ever want you to be forced to run on!


Son, I love you more than I love myself. I would lay down my life in a heartbeat for you. The last thing I want is for you to have to live to satisfy my insecurities. I want to be able to accept you just as you are, weaknesses, shortcomings, rebelliousness and all. You are my son and I don'e ever want you to feel that you must earn my love or perform for my pleasure. And so, I declare now (and pray God that you would make this true of me) that I accept you just as you are. If you struggle in life with school or addictions, I will still love you and stand beside you. If you rebel and reject my love, I will never reject you or stop loving you. And if you have developmental difficulties, like a nervous tic, I will love and accept that part of you as well, because you are "fearfully and wonderfully made." You are God's work of art, His "poema", formed in his image and endowed with unique skills, gifts and personality traits. You are also my son, and nothing you ever do can change that fact. I love you and always will. I'm so proud to be your daddy!