Sitting with Another's Pain

 Many of us have a hard time tolerating other people’s pain because it makes us uncomfortable. So rather than sitting with them as they struggle and allowing them the space to process, we try to fix it or reframe the narrative for them in an effort to alleviate their suffering (and ours).

One gift we can give to hurting people is to allow them to feel without giving into the urge to fix it. Hurting people often need our presence more than our solutions. And, ironically, more often than not if we allow them space and time and companionship while they process their pain, they will actually regain their footing far faster than if we try to force them to their feet to make ourselves feel better.

Appetite for Self-Destruction

My son is addicted to Takis. For those of you without a teenager, Takis are a rolled up tortilla chip with a toxic blend of spices that are guaranteed to cook your intestines. My boy will eat them until his tastebuds give out and then complain when his stomach hurts, getting irritable at us as if we’re the ones who made him eat himself sick. Ironically, even though he knows his favorite snack hurts him, he still craves them.

It’s laughable, but then I realize I’m not much different from my boy. No, I might not be addicted to nuclear tortilla chips, but it’s the things that I consume with my mind that can get toxic. When I get in the car my natural inclination is to turn on talk radio, or to spend the final moments at night doom-scrolling through social media, and then I wonder why I wake up feeling frustrated and irritable. Perhaps I should take my own advice and be more discerning about what I consume.

What do you crave that ends up hurting you?